Saturday, February 9, 2008

Conviction, or Conviction?

Because I am basically a dork, I think etymology is fun. The study of words, not bugs. That would be entomology, which I'm not a huge fan of. The word conviction can be taken two ways, and sometimes one leads to the other. A conviction is a deeply held belief, but it also means to be found guilty of something. I have been convicted of something that resulted in having a conviction a few times in the last few months. Both were humbling experiences, because it is never fun to be found guilty of something.

My favorite show for the last 3 years has been Grey's Anatomy, which I have watched and recorded faithfully. This fall it didn't feel right, but I kept watching. It was hard to prepare for Friday morning's Bible study when the show ended, so I would watch some Praise The Lord television to wash out my brain. But I kept watching. November 9th, during worship time, Lori quoted Psalm 101:1-3 "When will you come to me? I will walk in my house with a blameless heart. I will set before my eyes no vile thing." Beyond a shadow of a doubt I knew that Grey's Anatomy had to go.I cried not because I was going to miss the show, but because I felt scolded and loved by the Most Holy God. I haven't watched it since and I don't miss it at all. God has filled that time for me with better things.

The other is harder because it will be an ongoing battle: Pride. Being asked to facilitate a Bible study was huge for me. I thought I had arrived. What I didn't realize was how God was going to use this to show me how far I have to go. I was so excited to tell everyone in the group the great things I was learning through our studies, but it is a fine line between being enthusiastic about what God is showing me, and treating the group like it is a forum for my own self-discovery. Facilitating requires that I have a genuine interest in what others are learning, or not learning, without expecting them to cheer me on. Yes, I am there to learn. Yes, I am there to share. But first,in that setting, I am there to serve.
I've been convicted, but I know that God will continue His good work in me until the day I meet Him.

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